While you were suffering
by Nasse
Summary: Francis can't decide what to do after his violent breakup with his lover, who has run of to America without telling Francis why. As he follows he meets someone he was not expecting... bad touch trio France/Spain/Prussia


Hello people! For those of you who have never read anything that I have written before, welcome to my domain! Or w/e XD This story will be about Francis and it is actually a spin of on another story I am currently writing. The story is called **My reason to smile** and is about Arthur and Alfred. For you who do not like that paring, there will be no need to read the fanfiction to understand this one but if you like USUK I strongly suggest that you do because that will give this story another depth (and this is an experiment to see if it is possible to do something like this on FF :D

Anyway, so in this story, you will get to know more about what happens with Francis after his terrible breakup with Arthur and how he copes with the whole things. Does he actually blame Arthur for all that happened, or does he know, deep inside that what he did was wrong? Cheating, beating and just being a complete idiot isn't really the way to win someone's heart, right?

I would also like to thank my boyfriend Sam who has been helping me with this story ;D being my beta and listening to all my crazy ideas! Thank you love :D

I hope you guys will like this story, no matter if you have read My reason to smile or not! :D

**Warning:** There will be guys on guys in this story my friends and if you do not like that sort of thing, you don't have to read it ;D but if you like... enjoy! (and I'm sorry for spelling errors, my beta has not yet had time to read this through XD)

**Disclaimer:** I do not own the wonderful world of Hetalia ;_; but I wish I did, like a lot of your guys out there I'm sure ;D

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><p><em>-Draft from chapter 9, My reason to smile-<br>_

_Dear Arthur, _

_I know you have told me you do not want to see me ever again and even though I respect that, you know I cannot accept it. You do not have the right to cut me out of your life like you did and you certainly don't have any proof that I did you as wrong as you say I did. _

_Come on Artie, I know why you moved away and do not even try to deny it. But how do you really think it made me feel when I had to find it out rom your mother that you suddenly moved away to America? I was even planning to come visit you and tell you how deeply sorry I am for everything that has happened between us but... How could I get the money or even get close enough to you with the little I have, when you are so far away from me as you are now? _

_Arthur, my love, you hurt me so much when you do this... and I know you. Are you doing this because you want me to come crawling back to you? Because I don't know how else you can even look at yourself in the mirror after what you have done. You have to grow up, and you know it. It should be about time that you realize that you have to be the one who changes... because you cannot change anyone else but yourself. And you know what happened in truth is your own fault. _

_And Arthur, make sure you write back to me. Because if you don't, I'll just have to come there myself and talk to you, no matter where you are. _

_Francis. _

..._  
><em>

_-Draft from chapter 14, My reason to smile-  
><em>

_Francis, _

_The only reason I am writing you this letter is because of the threat you left at the end of yours. I do not want you to come here, I do not want you to come crawling and this you know. Why you would even try to tell yourself anything different is beyond me, and it sickens me really, to know that you're telling yourself you are innocent in all this. Which we both know deep down that you are not._

_I know perfectly well that you could never accept my decisions and that is why I felt the need to move away, not to stay away from you exactly, but to make sure you never get to me again. How you feel about me moving does not concern me and to be honest, I am quite shocked I didn't hear from you sooner. That you ask for forgiveness comes to no surprise to me, but that you seem to believe you still have some power over me is even more shocking than if I where to hear about my mother falling in love with a woman. _

_And don't you 'My love' me Francis. You lost that privilege as you bashed my face in with that eager fist of yours, or why not when you broke my ribs first or second time? Darling, I can look at myself in the mirror perfectly fine, and don't you dare tell me that I am the one who needs to grow up or change. My reflection is smiling back at me, what do yours do if I might ask? Does it even reflect the person you have become? _

_Leave me alone Francis. You know you're not welcome and if you where still to come here and ask to talk to me, I will seriously send your sorry ass to a fucking hospital and do you know how little help you will get from a hospital here in the US? That's right. So you better think again before you bloody risk your balls coming here. _

_Arthur. _

_..._

The pressure on his ears was terrible and his nausea didn't grow weaker at all as he felt his seat bounce underneath him. He popped the lid on the small jar he was holding and pushed a couple more of his motion sickness pills into his mouth. He had nothing but lukewarm water to swallow them down with but this would have to do. He had heard that if you took a lot of these pills you would eventually fall asleep and right now he was seriously hoping that that was going to happen because he couldn't take this anymore.

Why he had decided to fly all the way from England to America was beyond his understanding, considering the fact that he was an extremely nervous flyer and would never admit it to anyone. The young man next to him seemed to have noticed though and was turned towards the window so that he wouldn't have to see the nervous man. You could easily get nervous too if you had to share space with someone popping pills every other ten minutes.

Francis sighed and closed his eyes, hoping that sleep would soon take him and that the long flight would be over in no time. Of course, he was too tense to fall asleep and since he didn't get that himself, he would never do so.

The blond man with the (according to Arthur; annoying) stubble had received Arthur's answer by letter only two days earlier. But because he had already decided to go to America to get some kind of upper hand on the situation, he had decided to pretend he never received it. At least if someone asked him if he had. In truth, he had been clutching the letter in his hand for more than two hours before being able to let it go. He had never even dreamed of the blond kid writing back to him and when he had done so, the shock had been tremendous.

"Would you care for something to drink?" the kind voice of a stewardess asked him from nowhere and he looked up in the even greater shock of being spoken too in the middle of the air. "You look awfully pale sweetie"

"No, but thank you" he smiled back and clutched the armrests on his chair as the plane made a slight dive. "I just... I don't like flying that much"

"I see..." she answered and looked worried. She was the kind of girl who obviously cared too much about people. Probably had a dysfunctional relationship back at home because she cared so much. He pitied her, even though he didn't even know her. "Could I maybe give you a blanket and some headphones so that you can listen to some music and get comfortable?"

He nodded and smiled, mostly because he thought it would make her happy and worry less. The wrinkle between her eyes had been deep as the Grand Canyons. She happily trotted away through the plane and he sighed. How many more hours would he have to spend in this damn metal bird? About four hours more... great.

"It'll be fine..." the man next to him suddenly said and Francis looked back at him in surprise. He hadn't really paid attention to anything else than the plane's bumpy ride, almost been thinking he had been all alone, which he obviously wasn't. "I used to be a pretty nervous flyer myself..." the brown haired stranger continued and gave him a soft smile. He had been drinking some alcohol, so he had loosed up a bit. "but since I passed the first ten times without any trouble, I thought that maybe it's nothing to worry about... the trick is to keep yourself distracted, at least that was what I was told"

Francis nodded at this too, not that he felt assured or anything, but still. This guy had been sitting beside him for hours now and had to listen to his whining. Maybe he should at least act as if he cared what the stranger had to say. Judging from the look of him, he seemed younger than Francis was but it was hard to tell. He looked very kind though, a bit drunk, but kind.

"You mean, distraction like with music or something?" he asked back and sat up straighter in his chair, trying not to think about the free fall beneath him or the cold air which would tear him apart if he fell through it.

The brown haired one smiled almost tenderly and shook his head. "Sometimes it might work, but unless you fall asleep, listening to music for hours won't really help... it didn't help me at least" He pointed at a book he was resting on his lap, he hadn't even begun reading it. "I always bring a book but I never read it, sometimes a movie can distract me but it's not very often..."

"So what do you do?"

The man shrugged and then gave him a grin. "Depends..." he answered and looked out the window. "As I said, I'm not a nervous flyer anymore..."

"But how did it... you know, let you go?" Francis pressed on and felt a bit desperate as he did so. Why even say that things would be ok and then just leave it like that? Why couldn't the guy at least talk to him some more and maybe help him distract himself from the hideous thought of falling from this hight. "It couldn't just have stopped over night, could it?"

"I joined the Mile High Club"

Now this statement left Francis baffled for a while and before he knew it, the younger one had stood up and made his way passed him towards the bathroom with a smirk on his face. This wasn't a smirk which Francis understood, he might be a player but since he was not very fond of flying, the Mile High Club was not very familiar to him, even if he had heard the phrase once of twice. As he took some deep breaths, trying to recollect everything he had heard about this club, the flight attendant came back with a blanket and some headphones for him. She made sure he was comfortable and reassured him that the plane was way safer to be in than any car on the road.

Francis didn't believe this at all. Of course she would tell him something like that to calm him down. It was the same at the dentist office; "This won't hurt at all" and then it hurts like HELL.

"What's the Mile High Club..?" he asked immediately as she wondered if there was something else she could do for him. He couldn't have guessed how wrong his timing had been until she blushed furiously and cursed at him silently, telling him that he should be ashamed of himself for even talking about such things.

Still as confused as ever when she turned around and left, he looked back at the toilet where the mysterious stranger had gone into hiding. There HAD been something about that smirk and without even realizing the plane was jumping again, Francis picked his computer up. Withing two minutes he knew exactly what this was all about, laughed at the reaction he had gotten from the poor flight attendant and then got up. The least he could do was to tell the other guy what he had found out...

He had always wondered if it was totally obvious that he was gay, because people always seemed to come on to him without him having to do something to get their attention. Or maybe he just looked like a player that would provide you with excellent sex and therefore everyone came to him in the hopes of getting something. This time, for example, it took him less than five minutes of talking before his newly found companion decided to have some fun with him. Not that he was complaining.

He knocked on the door softly, hoping that it was the right lavatory and that there wasn't a fat dude in this particular one. He was calmed though by a soft chuckle and the younger man's voice only seconds later though the door. "Thought you wouldn't get the hint..."

"Well maybe I wanted you to doubt it?" he replied and quickly entered the small space as the door was opened by the brown haired man. Or man... he was more of a teenager than a man really. But older than sixteen at least. How he had gotten the alcohol Francis didn't know, but he didn't feel the need to ask either. The younger one was grinning widely, pulling Francis closer before he could even adjust to the tiny space and they both where soon loosing their balance and almost falling on each other.

"Can I ask for your name or do you want to remain a scared mystery, old man?" the brown haired one asked and Francis felt himself blush, even though he wasn't really old at all... and not really scared... anymore. The grin in the other's green eyes was assuring though and he grinned back.

"Francis..." he then answered and chuckled quietly as he realized the lock had not been secured. Stupid teen. Did he WANT people to come in here and see what they where about to do? "And yours?"

"Antonio..."

Even for someone as young as this stranger, he had both and eager body and eager hands. Francis had some difficulty keeping up, not being at all used to the tight space and soon found himself leaned against the wall with hot lips around his cock and fingers gripping tightly around his ass.

"So I guess you've done this before?" he managed to pant as he felt nails scrape his skin and hissed inwardly as sharp teeth nibbled at the base of his dick with experienced precession. The boy chuckled around his hardened cock and fuck, it felt good. Francis had to bite down on his own tongue not to let out a moan that would let everyone else on the plane know what they where doing.

"I have indeed..." he answered as he let his toy go for a moment, looking up with green eyes that seemed to enjoy everything about this whole thing. He was shirtless, just like Francis, only his neck and chest was filled with old and new hickeys, his hair was messed up from Francis pulling at it and his knees where resting uncomfortably against the hard cold floor, but that he didn't seem to mind at all. "I met my lover this way"

"So you're cheating?"

To Francis, cheating hadn't been that big of a deal really. He knew he was in love with Arthur and that he always would be, so having sex with someone else was solely to cum when he didn't want to jerk of in the bathroom. There had never been feelings behind what he had done and he never saw them as wrong... until he had been cheated on himself. He knew now that he had overreacted, since he had done the same himself and never even apologized about it... Beating Arthur blue had been very wrong of him indeed... but being cheated on had scared him... making him think that he would lose the precious blond boy he had held so dearly for so long. Now, hearing that this seemingly young man was cheating on someone actually made Francis feel slightly guilty himself... Because what if he was helping Antonio hurt someone just as dear to him as Arthur had been to Francis?

"Don't worry..." the brown haired one whispered from somewhere next to his dick however and the thrill of getting his balls sucked almost made his knees weak from excitement. "We don't have that kind of relationship anyway, and if he'd seen you first, he would have totally done you too"

"Sounds like guy after my own mind then" Francis chuckled back and gripped the young one's hair hard as the head of his cock was being nudged by that warm tongue again. "Why don't we both go and pay him a visit when we get off the plane?"

To this he didn't get an answer, because the other one was preoccupied with sucking his hardness in as deep as possible and the pleasure was too great to let the blond man think about the question and its answer anyway. It was simply forgotten in the narrow space between the cock pit and the rest of the passengers.

"Well that was... amazing" Francis finally sighed after they had both bit down on moans for about half an hour, the boy now sitting close to Francis, chest against chest, panting with red cheeks. None of them had the energy to move but Francis knew there could be pain involved if they didn't and he gently moved Antonio form his position, letting his dick slip out of him before pulling him close to his warm chest again, the boy's head resting against his collarbone.

There was a soft mumble in agreement from his temporary companion and Francis couldn't help to grin. The teen was about to fall asleep and it was just adorable to hear his deep breathing against his ear and feel his still eager heart beat against his chest. He tried to shift a bit to make it more comfortable for them both and then just sat there for a while, feeling the cold of the air around them chilling him to the bone through his damps skin. But not where the young man was still leaning against him though, it was warm there.

"We really should get going..." he whispered after a while, waking the reluctant boy with soft nudges of his fingers and nose. "People will start wondering and I think, maybe... we should take you back to your seat so that you can sleep a bit more comfortably?"

"I'm already comfortable..."

"I don't believe you" Francis smiled and shook his head before he sat up a bit straighter, almost forcing the boy to wake up. Antonio looked slightly annoyed by this but didn't complain anymore. Instead he got up, still slippery between the thighs and he squirmed slightly as he wiped himself clean on a rough piece of paper. They both got dressed quickly and silently, making sure not to make unnecessary noises and then Antonio slipped outside without a word, acting like nothing and walked away. Francis locked the door again and took a piss, shivering from the cold still but happy to have his clothes back on. He couldn't wipe the grin of his face though, and after pulling his hair up into a pony tail he left the small toilet as well. He didn't even notice the swaying of the plane anymore.

"Hi there stranger" Antonio grinned as the blond man sat down at his seat again. Francis just grinned and felt at ease with himself and the plane ride by now. It really had been a good idea, this whole mile high thing... But of course Antonio had known that since he had done it before. Francis gladly accepted the wine he was given by his young companion and chuckled.

"So you met your current lover this way then?" he asked, not really interested in hearing and entire life story but at least talking to the guy would help him be distracted for the rest of the flight at least.

"Yup" came the answer and Antonio grinned back, like it seemed he did a lot. "We where flying from Spain, me and my family, it was about two years ago..." he laughed a little as he saw the surprised look France had given him. "Yes, I was pretty young... so what? Anyway... I was so fucking scared, and I didn't even get to sit next to my family because we kind of left in a hurry and there weren't that many seats available... There was this guy sitting next to me, fucking gorgeous with this smirk on his face and at first I thought he was just amused because I was on the edge of crying"

"But he was horny for you?"

"Haha, well, yes" Antonio admitted and even though it was weird for Francis to hear about someone like himself, it seemed pretty sweet somehow... because from what he had heard by now, it sounded like the two of them where still going strong on the lover part, and Antonio's face was priceless. He looked as if he could just fly out the window with happiness. "He kind of... told me exactly what I told you just an hour ago and then he explained to me what the Mile High Club was. I thought he was just messing with me but then he asked honestly if I would do it with him and since I am gay and was already aware of it back then, I figured that even though I was a virgin I didn't have anything to lose"

Francis nodded. The story was unbelievable, if it hadn't been for the fact that he had gone through almost the same thing just now. Except the par about the whole losing his virginity thing. He wondered somehow, somewhere in the back of his mind if he and Arthur would ever have done something like this if they would have stayed together but then he realized he had never even have agreed to set his foot on a plane... not even if a nice ass was waiting for him between the clouds.

"I guess I will have to keep you in my hand luggage from now on though..." he suddenly said and Antonio looked up in surprise, he had been busy trying to open his dessert wrapping which he had saved since dinner. "I mean, if I'm gonna fly home, I need to have someone to help me relax on the way back as well"

"Aw..." the brown haired one grinned and patter Francis on the shoulder with an expression of fake pity in his eyes. "Poor you..." the then ripped the wrapper open with his teeth and sighed. "But if you're so fucking scared of flying, why did you even get on this plane in the first place..?"

Francis shrugged as an answer and looked passed the boy and out the window. What would he say? That he had beaten his boyfriend up so badly that he had to go to the hospital? Or that he had denied ever being the bad guy even though he knew that he had been all this time and that now he had probably scared the guy so much with his threats... that Arthur was afraid of being beat up again if they ever spoke face to face...

"I just needed to get away..." he lied and closed his eyes. Not that he minded lying, he had done so his entire life. But it felt weird to lie to someone you had just met that you probably wouldn't see again. Because that person would leave this place with a false image of you, just like the people who thought they knew you very well. And if everyone had a false image of you... where would you go when you needed someone to see you for who you are and not the shield you have created for everyone else to see?

"Then what will you do when you come to America? Do you know someone over there...?"

"Haven't really thought about that part..." Francis admitted and felt a cold chill down his spine. He didn't have much money. He had figured he would get a place to sleep somehow and that it all would work out eventually, with him and Arthur and everything else. But now when he thought about it, having no where to sleep and no plan seemed like the worst thing he could have created for himself.

"You'll figure something out then?" it was both a question and a statement but Francis just felt a deep nausea spread through his gut again. Not because of the hight but because of the panic which was raising his heartbeat as well.

"I have to"

The rest of the ride went fairly quick to his delight however, Antonio convincing him they should watch a movie together to keep both minds occupied. The movie was not the best he had seen but it was good enough and they both laughed through the whole thing which Francis found very liberating for a change.

When the poor flight attendant came to his aid as he pushed his button, she looked almost terrified but he asked her to forgive him and told her he had had no idea what the Mile High Club was. She didn't seem to believe him at first, but when the brown haired young man next to him started laughing his ass of at his explanation, making Francis blush, she smiled and shook her head. Obviously relieved. A couple of minutes later they both had a cup of hot chocolate and where looking out over the landscape which was beginning to form underneath them.

"Thank you for making this time in the air a thousand times better than I would have ever dreamt of a flight being" Francis grinned as they where pulling their luggage out from over their seats. Antonio chuckled and nudged him in the side, green eyes bright with happiness again. Gosh he was just so adorable.

"Thank YOU for making me cum a bunch of times in a public restroom good sir"

The blond man with stubble, which Antonio had not at all found annoying by the way, laughed and gave the unexpected youngster a soft kiss on the cheek before leaving the plane with a melancholic smile on his lips. He'd miss the guy and was kind of hoping he would at least ask for his number or maybe add him on Facebook. He knew things probably wouldn't work out at all with Arthur and he was a fool for ever have tried to tell himself differently. So what would he do when it all went to shitfuckinghell?

"Hey..." the brown haired smiled as he hurried up beside the taller man on their way towards the terminal. "I don't think my boyfriend would mind if you came to our place for a while, I mean... not like we have to have sex or something, but if you don't have anywhere to go... you could always come with us, if I can just talk to him about it first?"

"I... I'd love to"

Antonio's smile grew once more and he hurried down the passage quickly to get a chance to localize this mysterious boyfriend/lover of his. Francis took his time, scratching his neck and smiling as the flight attendant hurried passed him to hand a hat over to an older man who had left it by mistake on the plane. She smiled back, not at all bothered by him anymore and he sighed in relief. He hated when people didn't like him, no matter how selfish it made him.

He hoped that this other guy wouldn't say no. Of course, he would completely understand it if the guy did, especially since Antonio had told him on the plane that he and his boyfriend hadn't seen each other for almost a month now. It would be best if Francis just told himself that the guy would be angry and tell Antonio no right away. He would want to spend time with his boyfriend after all. They would probably have left the airport by the time he got out through the passage so... he'd have to hit a bar and try to find a fuck he could spend at least one night with. Yeah. That had worked before and would probably work again, even though this was America and not England.

"You coming..?" the soft voice of the brown haired one suddenly called as Francis made his way through the hall, looking grumpy in everyone else's eyes. He looked towards the place where the voice had called and he felt a soft flutter in his gut at the sight of the smiling teen. Well, it seemed he had been mistaken after all, judging by the smile he was given. Thank God.

Francis own face broke into a smile too, actually resembling the young one who was walking towards him. There was someone following him, the boyfriend he guessed and he even had to literary gasp as the man stepped out from behind his younger lover, gorgeous as he was. His skin was pale, just like his hair which didn't seem to be colored even though it had the palest shade of grey Francis had ever seen. It wasn't the kind of old-man's hair grey at all... it was just... perfect on him. The tanned teenager (and it was so obvious now, against the pale man's skin, that Francis wondered how he had not seen it before) grinned even wider and grasped his lover's hand tightly before turning back to him.

"Gil, this is Francis..." he almost sang and then met Francis' eyes with the enthusiasm of a child on Christmas morning glimmering in his green orbs. "Francis, this is my boyfriend Gilbert, who I told you about?"

Francis nodded and took the hand of the man in front of them both, expecting it to be cold but they where warmer than his own, causing chills to run down his spine. The eyes that met his where deep brown, almost red, but Francis couldn't decide weather it was because of the light or if he was wearing contacts. It didn't really matter thought. The guy seemed to be about his age, which made him into a perv of course, for taking a liking to a guy like Antonio years ago. It didn't really bother Francis though... not at all. Not when he was as hot as he was.

"So..." the man, Gil, said and grinned down at the shorter teen next to him. "I guess I understand why you had sex with him then, point taken"

Antonio grinned even more at this and Francis felt blush rise to his cheeks even though he should have expected this would happen. The brown haired did tell him they didn't really care if the other one slept with some random guy after all. That they spoke so openly about it was another thing which Francis had not expected though...

"So, should we get going?" the kid asked and Gil laughed, gently kissing the fingers of his young lover, looking back up at Francis while doing so, something mischievous in his eyes.

"Yes, we should..." he answered. "You coming Francis?"

"If you insist"

"We do" Antonio assured and grabbed his hand as well. He was a force of nature almost, dragging them both towards the luggage pick up and then out to the car. All Francis could do was come along, watching the pale man with growing interest, every minute passing.

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><p>What will happen when Francis get to the two boy's appartment? And what will he do about this whole Arthur bussines? Read and find out in upcoming chapter! :D<p>

(hope this made any sense to you XD if not, feel free to ask me!)


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